100 things Iceland Is Not Allowed To Do
by icelandisagaygay
Summary: Iceland has tried to do a lot of things in his sad, hipster life. Here are 100 things that he cant do. Ever. Again.


**Am I allowed to do this?**

**I don't know.**

**I just wanted to.**

**Because Iceland is my favorite character and I'm a little shit. And so is he.**

**~Faygo**

* * *

1. I will not call Norway big brother.

2. That one is a no brainer.

3. I will not touch Denmark's chest. It makes me, Denmark, and Norway uncomfortable.

4. I will not ask anyone if they want to join me on a swell trip to my penis museum, for some fun, educational learning.

5. Especially not New Zealand.

6. People worry I might get laid.

7. I will not ask Sweden if he tops Finland.

8. We all know he doesn't, and it's just depressing for all to see the expression on his face after I ask.

9. I will not tell Seychelles that she's Swellchelles.

10. She punches really hard and I can't afford a black eye at times like these.

11. I will not go through the scene phase.

12. I will not converse with anyone going through the scene phase.

13. It doesn't matter if they have slightly cool looking hair. It's not worth the pain.

14. I'm not a hipster.

15. I will never be a hipster.

16. It's time to face the facts.

17. I will not take Sealand on a fun, educational trip to my penis museum.

18. I accidentally gave Finland a heart attack last time.

19. I will not tell Australia that he can't join the Cool Island Club because he's technically a continent, and he'd ruin everything.

20. He started crying last time, and New Zealand got mad at me.

21. So I missed an opportunity to get laid.

22. Again.

23. I will not pretend to be in some sort of weird love triangle with Norway for Denmark.

24. It's not even a triangle, and we all know how it'd end up anyways.

25. Killing England is not an option.

26. Slapping him with a fish is also not an option.

27. Calling him Big Brows Kirkland is also not an option.

28. I should just stay away from England.

29. I will not tell Mr. Puffin that his kind is actually eaten in my country.

30. He'd end up going rebellious.

31. And try to eat me.

32. Shoving licorice up Prussia's ass is unacceptable.

33. He'd get off on it.

34. And I probably would too.

35. Going emo is not an option.

36. Asking Romania for tips on how to be emo is also not an option.

37. He's not emo and he would just punch me in the face.

38. I will not tell Sealand that Latvia is in love with Estonia and not him.

39. He gets mad and kicks me in the shin and it really hurts.

40. But I don't even know why he gets mad.

41. Telling everyone that I am secretly a tuna fish is just low.

42. Even though it might be true.

43. Telling everyone that if you rip off New Zealand's skin, you'll reveal that he is actually a sheep is mean.

44. Because America actually tried it.

45. And Russia did too.

46. And I missed a chance to get laid.

47. Again.

48. Mr. Puffin is not a transformer. He's not even a vehicle.

49. I will not try to convince him he is, because that just ends badly for everyone.

50. I will not jump on Australia's back and scream 'Ride 'em cowboy!'

51. England will get mad.

52. And Norway will too.

53. And Australia might get off on it, you just don't know with that guy.

54. I will not tell everyone I'm half ambidextrous.

55. They won't get it.

56. Asking Japan what yaoi is isn't to be done.

57. Asking him why he has a doushinji of me will only make him cry.

58. Asking Austria what he saved, and then saying 'Not your marriages that's for sure' is rude and he will cry.

59. Finland is not metal. That was only a phase.

60. Telling Sealand that I'm better friends with Latvia with him is wrong.

61. He will cry and Latvia will not want to be my friend anymore.

62. I'm not allowed to date New Zealand. Even though there is no viable reason as to why I can't.

63. It's not like I've tried or anything.

64. Just because Denmark doesn't like Australia doesn't mean I can't date his little brother.

65. Telling France that I am a 'big boy' now is weird and wrong on so many levels.

66. I will not tell Australia that I'm number nine on the happiest countries in the world, and he's only ten means that he's a loser and won't ever get laid.

67. Even though it is true.

68. Calling New Zealand Nezzie Zezzie is wrong and he will kick me in shin and take my money.

69. I will not yodel.

70. Ever.

71. I suck at it and I made a man go deaf.

72. I will not yell during a meeting, 'You a stupid ho!'

73. Especially while Sweden is talking.

74. Yelling it while Estonia is talking is also wrong.

75. He will throw something at me and I will not be prepared.

76. Netherlands is not a cuddle buddy.

77. He's also not a smoke buddy.

78. But most importantly I will never try to cuddle with him.

79. Even if he is tall, strong, and handsome. And is willing to cuddle with me.

80. It is pathetic and Scotland will start crying. Because he's a pansy.

81. Scotland does not hump sheep. He also does not hump New Zealand.

82. And I don't either.

83. Jumping in volcanoes is not a fun afternoon activity, and is not for all ages.

84. Telling everyone I hump shark meat is weird.

85. I will not tell America I'm disappointed in him and then walk away.

86. He gets sad and I get sad too.

87. I will not tell Poland that he looks great when the lights are off and no one can see him.

88. He will get mad, then sad, and then he'll start crying and Lithuania will kick me in the stomach.

89. Stockings are not an option.

90. Even if my legs look great in them.

91. New Zealand doesn't wear stockings either.

92. I will not try to make him wear them.

93. No matter how badly I want to see him wear them.

94. Hungary is not my friend.

95. She is an enemy and is to be avoided at all costs.

96. Pretending to be in love with Norway is wrong. Just because it's funny to see people's reactions isn't a viable reason as to why it's okay to do.

97. I'm not a pole dancer.

98. I'm also not a stripper.

99. So I won't try to be either of them. Ever.

100. And lastly, I, Iceland, will never, ever, not even in a million years, convince anyone, ever, that Mr. Puffin is actually a human in disguise, and that he is really good at keeping it secret.


End file.
